I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
