i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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