Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
