her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
