I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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