I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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