I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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