I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
