So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
