That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
