I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
