guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
