He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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