i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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