I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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