i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
