Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
