Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Also, beer. Big fan.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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