and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
