You're so nebulous sometimes
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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