im drinking this country out of the recession.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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