So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
