it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
