Already got asked if we're dating
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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