I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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