I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
