O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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