I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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