I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
