Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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