Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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