You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
