Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
