I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
