you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
