The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
