i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
