Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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