yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
