Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
