why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
