I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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