I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you will always have a special place in my vag
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I want a musical about memes.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
