just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
