Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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