i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
