My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I deserve this hangover.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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