so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
