Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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