Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
