I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
