Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
