i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
